Three Underrated Ways to Connect with Your Teenager
READ TIME: 4 Minutes
Parenting teens is an intimidating yet fulfilling life assignment. Those tiny, cuddly babies grow up and eventually gravitate toward friends and phones more than their parents. Relating to them and maintaining the closeness you once shared is challenging, but connection might be easier than you think.
Here are three underrated ways to connect to the teenagers in your life.
ONE: Food
We’ve known for centuries that food is a great connector. Anytime my husband travels for work, my son and I have Chick-fil-A for dinner. We drive thru and then park to eat; our conversation serenaded by his country music favorites. After a few trips, my son labeled the outing as tradition and looked forward to going the next time Dad was out of town.
Other ideas: Teach your kids to cook their favorite meals or attempt one of the latest TikTok recipes with them. Kids love afternoon Sonic drinks and late-night ice cream! They’ll think they’re getting a treat, but you’ll know the quality time is the real prize.
TWO: Common Interests and Experiences
My husband and son speak car talk as a second language. I don’t know half of what they’re saying, but they understand each other, which gives them a unique family connection. I love hearing them discuss new models, engine configurations, F1 drivers, or road courses. I’m thankful they spend time together pursuing a shared interest. They’ve had lots of invaluable father/son time disguised as an oil change or a day at the racetrack. Find out what interests your teen and dive into that world with them.
If you can’t find a common hobby, shared experiences can work, too. Chaperone a church youth event, volunteer together, or attend a concert or much-anticipated movie. Binge your teens’ favorite tv episodes and talk about them or show interest in their music. Let them choose the road trip playlist. Listen when they talk about up-and-coming artists. Take deep breaths while a new release blares on repeat. You may be surprised when you become a fan yourself.
THREE: Space
It sounds counterintuitive to give your teen space when the goal is connection but trust me. Your child is inching closer to independence. Becoming their own person requires practice. Trusting them with space and privacy shows that you respect their growing-up process, and in turn your teen will trust you.
Teenagers must learn to advocate for themselves, navigating all kinds of relationships. They need experience weighing the options of hard choices and growing in faith as they ask God to guide.
Give them space as they wrestle with opportunities or dilemmas. As the parent, be available and honest. Listen without judgment or dismissive fixes. Be ready to intervene but resist temptation to swiftly rescue them before they’ve had a chance to figure things out. And pray. Always pray.
Throughout high school, I tried not to meddle much in their crushes, but I did stop by my kids’ rooms nightly to say goodnight. I gave them space in that moment to drive the conversation. If my daughter started talking, I knew she wanted to tell me about a boy, even if she took a minute to get to the subject. She trusted me enough to share vulnerable feelings and welcomed my input. I never had all the answers, but those 10 PM talks are some of my favorites.
Keep Going
One of the memorable lines from the film, The Princess Bride is when Billy Crystal’s character waves to the heroes as they continue their quest. “Have fun storming the castle.” Finding a way into deeper connection with your teen can feel similar.
Keep going. Keep trying different approaches. And give yourself a break in the experience. You cannot fully understand their teen experience and you cannot become another one of their friends. But your continued efforts, from a place of love and protection, mean something to who they are now and who they will be later in life.
When my kids were babies, popular books told young parents all the right and wrong ways to raise children. I gleaned much wisdom from their research, but one thing I’ve learned is that I know my own children. And you know yours.
Your ways to connect to your teenagers may look different from other families. That’s okay. Just keep the main things the main things: create opportunities for communication, enjoy shared experiences, give them space to grow, and pray. Always pray. Because God loves your teenagers even more than you do.
Written By: Erin Earnest
Drake and Erin Earnest have been married for twenty-five years. They have two wonderful children who are now in college.